It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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