I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
