Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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