the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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