We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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