let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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