Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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