ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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