4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize