Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
