I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
