i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need to get me chipped asap
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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