I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
