im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
