One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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