he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
