Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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