Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
