I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
