I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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