I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
