Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
