The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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