Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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