it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
