you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
