Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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