I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
