Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
