she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
where are you?
Hypothermia
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
