I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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