My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
