So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize