i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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