Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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