My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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