is your mom at the bar?
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
