Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The Olympian is in my bed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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