Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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