oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
