Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
