There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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