I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
