So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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