I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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