Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
