Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
