dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
