he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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