this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
