drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
