so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
