Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They took my balls.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
