Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
