I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
