I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
