The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
