these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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