guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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