Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
