His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
