Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
