dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
