Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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