oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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