You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
