My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize