Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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