the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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