As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
