If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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