yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
