Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
