I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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