Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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