we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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