he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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