She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
