my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
