nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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