$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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